Wednesday, September 24, 2008

If you give an Andrew anything....

My life is proverbial satire... the Proverbial "If you give a ____ a ____" books are the theme for tonight. So let's start with "If you give an Andrew an inch"

If you give an Andrew an inch, he'll want to take a mile. He'll decide that he's going take that mile up the street to agree to go to the park with you and your friend to play. If you take him to the park, you have to get him food to eat there, since it's dinner time. So you'll get him chicken, because it's a picnic and that's what you get on picnics. If you give your Andrew chicken, he'll want sides, then he'll complain about all the options for sides until you get to french fries, which, of course, he'll agree to. He will also then scream for dessert, so loud that the lady working the drive thru will want to give him one, even against your refusal. Once you pay too much for gross, greasy, over fried food you'll finally get to the park. When you get to the park, he'll want to play first, and eat later. If you really let him do that, he'll never eat, so you don't agree to that request. This causes a little pouting, but once your Andrew see's that his friends are eating too, he sits and tries to be quiet and eats most of his dinner. Once your Andrew finishes dinner, he'll want to finally play. If you let your Andrew play, you have to push him for many minutes on the swings while trying to keep an eye on his brother. Brother acts just fine at the park, for once. So you say a little thank you for that one. Once it starts to get dark, you have to tell your Andrew it's time to go. If you tell Andrew it's time to go, he will definitely throw a fit. If he throws a fit, you have to bite your tongue and put him sternly in the car and whisper threats to him so no other parents can hear you. If that doesn't help, you may have to pinch him in the leg and shut the door really fast.... I do not suggest the latter, as it results in a long ride home. Once you get your Andrew home he will then complain that he is still hungry and you will have to make him more dinner, even though you remind him of the gross, greasy chicken and french fries he ate earlier. This reminds him he needs to potty... you must let him potty. Then he's still hungry so you need to still feed him, again. Once allllll these things are done, he will be almost ready for bed. If you get him in PJ's, you've accomplished a major task. Once you get him to bed, he will ask for some medicine for his sore throat and cough. If you give your Andrew some medicine, he may wake up with medicine head at 4 AM and crawl in your bed.... but since you can't deny it, you give it to him anyway... and if you give your Andrew some medicine, he'll want water. Once you give him water, he'll have to potty again. And if you let him go potty, he'll want you to tell him the story of the day before bed... so you'll repeat THIS WHOLE THING again, beginning with giving him an INCH..... and letting him take a MILE.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Someone call the waaaaambulance

Things have been sickly around here the last few weeks. I just needed to write a time line of how exactly this summer has gone. Maybe if I vent it out, it will just halt the germs....

June was okay. I battled some personal issues but all in all it was a healthy month at least.

July saw me in terrible back pain and muscular tightness. I was terribly stressed out and that's what happens to me. I ended up tightening up all over my upper back and neck to the point where I couldn't even move one little bit without shooting pain. Had to call a friend to help me get the boys to school and take me to the doctor to get a shot in my hip to reduce the inflammation of the muscles. At the same time we all battled pink eye. Ryan got it first, then me. My infection never went away and I ended up with a real bad infection in my cornea. I was having BAD pain in my eyes and my vision was blurred. To the point where I could barely read the screen or signs. 2 visits to the eye doc and I was good to go. It's still blurry in my right eye, but at least I can see.

August started off well, but holy cow it got bad. Andrew got walking pneumonia and swimmers ear at the same time. He had to do breathing treatments and drops and all kinds of stuff! It was stressful to say the least. The ear problem was worse than the pneumonia. He did the treatments just fine, but hated the drops and for anyone to even look in his ear was a nightmare. Then just as we were getting over that, Ryan got head lice. WHAT??? Seriously? Yeah, so that was a day of cleaning and washing and picking with a little comb and all that fun stuff. I never once saw an egg or a bug, but we all got treated none the less. After that he started with some really bad congestion. His chest and nose were really yucky. He wasn't acting himself and I took him in but nothing was wrong other than a cold. After that he started a fever of 101, then 102 then finally 103. They said it was nothing.... NOTHING. I think it was roseola. Whatever it was it seems to have gone away. PLEASE for the love of God can we please not be sick for at least a month. It's not even flu season yet. Ah-chooooooo.